


this is no good place

by ravenreyamidala



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Original Character Death(s), Reconditioning, just kind of sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 07:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5908324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenreyamidala/pseuds/ravenreyamidala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They had had lives before the First Order, families, lovers, friends. But all of that is taken away, not easily, but eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is no good place

“I am a mother and my daughter’s name is Iella.” 

  
The First Order officer jotted down a note on his datapad and flicked his wrist. The Stormtroopers behind the seated woman quickly unshackled her from the interrogation chair and grabbed her roughly by the arms. 

  
“Take this one to the R block. Her skills are too valuable for her to be terminated,” he said. The Stormtroopers marched her to the block, half bent over between them, stringy greasy hair in her face. They methodically shackled her into the chair, not even flinching when she attempted to kick them as they secured her legs.

  
“We got a fighter on our hands, huh boys?” said the engineer, reading the subject’s information on his datapad “All the better to test the capabilities of the process.”

  
He turned it on, with a barely audible whirr that was soon covered by the screams of the woman. He hmm’d absently as he made a note about the whirring, possibly a result of too little lubrication.

  
\---  
“Iella, my daughter-,” said the woman this time, and the officer again flicked his wrist and the cogs began turning.   
\---

  
“Iella, Iella, Iella, Iella,” she whispered in her sleep, dark circles still under her eyes from the last treatment. The First Order officer frowned and turned to the Commanding Officer. 

  
“Ma’am, why are we wasting resources on her? The reconditioning is simply just not taking,” he asked. 

  
“There is no questioning the will of the First Order. Report to the R block, officer,” said the CO, turning her back on the officer.   
\---

  
“And do you have any family?” asked the First Order officer, face impassive, stylus ready to record yet another failure.   
The woman’s face was anguished and confused. 

  
“I…I think I have a daughter? But her name— I can’t remember it, that can’t be right. My daughter, she’s six, she just lost her front teeth, I remember that, but what’s her na—?,” the rest of her words were cut off by the Stormtroopers carrying her off once again. 

  
The officer checked the datapad. Her daughter was currently sixteen. He made a note of the progress.   
\---

  
“I…don’t think so? There was someone I am fond of—,” she tried. 

  
This time when the Stormtroopers took her, she walked with them and did not resist, her stride nearly identical to the colorless uniformed puppets. 

  
This time, her screams were quieter. As if whatever she was losing meant less than it had.   
\---

  
Her mouth opened, but the words she could not grasp barely fought to escape from behind her teeth. The official waited, his pen raised in anticipation, before slightly smiling as she shook her head. He comm’d the CO, smile growing wider as the woman in front of him sat quietly, head bowed.  
\---

Her last mission before being she became Captain was to the house of a suspected Resistance spy. She walked past the pictures of the smiling child without a twinge, her feet leading her straight to the bedroom, where a man slept in boxers he had gotten for his last birthday. 

  
A quick shot later, she walked away from his now dead body, blood slowly inching away from where it laid to the edges of the grungy white sheets. 

  
Something felt incomplete, but she walked to the door anyway when distinctive footfalls stopped her. Turning around, she saw a teenager, sleep mussed. The girl’s mouth began to shape a word, but before it could be heard, she shot her, an easy shot. For a moment, the girl stayed upright, suspended in place, mouth still open in surprise, until suddenly her body slumped and she fell. 

  
This time when she walked to the door, a picture frame on the side table stopped her. As she picked it up, her hands shook and the frame fell. It wasn’t until Phasma started bleeding did she realize that she had started to pick up the pieces of broken glass.

  
When she got back to base, she debriefed, something nagging her the entire time, skin tingly with discomfort. Afterwards, she submitted herself to reconditioning voluntarily.

  
This time, she cried and didn’t know why. 

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching The Phantom Menace for the first time and got inspired by Anakin's "I'm a person, and my name is Anakin" line. I wanted to explore that with another character, but one that is being reconditioned, and the only name they remember is their child's. I wanted to do a mother, specifically, because so much of Star Wars focuses on the fathers. In the middle of writing, I realized that this would be perfect for Phasma. I didn't quite capture the heartbreak the way I wanted to, but this is what I have. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Also her daughter's name is iella (the capital i looks like a lowercase L, unfortunately). I got it from a random generator, and now I'm too attached to it to change it. 
> 
> The title is from Beowulf.


End file.
